A renowned poet a visited our college campus yesterday. As she read her poems I was blown away by the beauty of the words. She was born in Jamaica and spoke in patwa throughout some of the pieces. Her grasp of language sounded like music. I was in my own kind of heaven.
It brought me back to a time where I would have considered myself a poet. In high school I lived for poetry and probably wrote about 300 poems over just a few years. I look back on them and find that they are all rather simplistic and silly.
Unfortunately, I now have that reaction with essentially all of my writing. While I love being a literature major, it has in many ways robbed me of any confidence I once had in my ability to write. One would assume that the more you read the more skilled you become in your own writing. I am sure that this is true, however, when you are exposed to such an expansive and deep breath of literature, anything you write suddenly appears elementary. Truth be told, I have not written a poem in over a year and a half---I so anticipate the feeling of inadequateness that I don't even attempt creative writing anymore.
Something the poet said last night was that, as writers, we all must come to a place where we truly believe that we have something to say that is worthy of being heard; that we have something to contribute to the world of literature; that we have a voice that counts. I realized then that despite my deep appreciation for the written word and my longing to be a good writer, I have lost (or perhaps never completely found) some of these fundamental beliefs.
I have talked before about finding and believing in my voice and I think it is a journey that I am only now truly beginning to travel. It is a slow process, but I believe I am on my way. I hope I will one day have the courage to be a poet again.
I hope for that one day soon too!
ReplyDeleteand as she typed those words she set her intention out into the world. then, as if newly created, set herself free. thought of you, the day before easter. in this cafe, the owner tells me his wife is at home making the baklava, they ran out of. i say my grandpa came from cyprus. he said, "so you greek?" a little bit. in jr. high i decided to be a vegetarian. no more leg of lamb. i didn't want it. i went cold turkey. it wasn't popular. everyone thought i was weird. my family tried to encourage me to continue eating chicken, fish, turkey. that didn't work. i know some who try it for a week, a month, a few yrs, or a lifetime. remember when you wrote that you knew new age religion or philosophy wasn't for you? it's the same thing. you may have to try on the dress & move in it. maybe you love the color, or the way it makes you feels against your skin. maybe the material stains too easily or it hangs off your shoulders & you have to keep pulling at the neck cause you don't want to flash anyone. maybe your grandma sewed it, and it smells like her house. every time you wear it feels like she is hugging you. whatever you decide to do, let it be what feels best & most comfortable for you, your body, your mind. don't let other's thoughts or opinions influence what you want or know for yourself. based on that, don't listen to me either.
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